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Theresa Varghese. Photographs V Sunny

Kochi. The first time I came to this city, I was looking forward to paradise. Much sweat, mosquitoes, regional chauvinism, overflowing garbage dumps and vistas of refuse-filled canals later, I pondered over the phrase 'God’s Own Country'.

Was God on an extended holiday someplace else? Or had he – sensible chap – migrated, bag and baggage?

People who come to Cochin are often confused by the two names -- Ernakulam and Cochin -- both of which are used interchangeably by the city’s residents to address their hometown. Ernakulam is essentially the town. While Cochin applies to the area extending beyond this central location.

What strikes the out-of-towner immediately is the attire adopted by the men folk. Mundus or white dhotis are everywhere. On weekdays you'll see men, their mundus at half-mast, scurrying off to work and women, usually in groups -- staring fixedly at the ground or giggling shyly -- wending their way to work too. Despite the fact that a large number of women work in offices and that literacy is one hundred per cent, in public, women adopt body language that is decidedly defensive. Not surprising, considering that there is gender demarcation everywhere -- buses, in queues at cinema theatres and at the railway stations, even inside places of worship! Hmm, must take a look at the graveyards.

Another very noticeable side of Cochin is the medium of communication. There appears to be just one language -- the all-powerful, all enveloping, almighty Malayalam. Except in five-star precincts and other such rarified environs, it's Malayalam Zindabad! If you are an unfortunate brown skin, with no knowledge of the secret code, woe betide you. Ask for directions and you'll be met with either cold silence or unintelligible chatter. They will exert themselves for a Caucasian. Come on, you can't expect a white to know our language do you? But if you're Indian, "Hey you no talk our language, you no come here." Simble!

And you thought this was part of the rest of the country. Poor you! Get over your bewilderment by gazing at the incoming and outgoing ferries at Marine Drive -- a favourite spot for 'eating the air' to translate a popular Hindi saying. More consolation required? Well there's always Broadway. Not to mention MG road.

A narrow street close to the Kerala Tourism Development Corporation office, Broadway is choc-a-bloc with small shops. Besides plastic, clothes, hardware and such like there are unconventional items too like old coins, fragrant spices and phoren cosmetics. You'll also meet the money-changers here. Seedy-looking men sidle up to you and mutter, "'Dallar chainge", as they drag on tired-looking bidis, like in a C-grade Bollywood film. And if you want to catch up on your reading, there's Paico's, the bookshop at the beginning of the street. They stock the latest in magazines and have a good range of paperbacks too.

The main artery, MG road, is an avenue of many glitzy malls, selling everything from high fashion clothes to gold. Mallus are crazy about the much-hyped yellow metal and nowhere is this more evident than in places like Bhima and Alappatt, during the evening hours. Also on MG is Woodlands Hotel where first timers often land up in pursuit of fluffy idlis or a crisp masala dosa. No doubt, the stuff they serve is good but it can wear out the pocket if you make a habit of it.

Just across the road is Ceylon Bake House, where you can hog as often as you want without denting the wallet too much. Don't get sidetracked by the name; it's a misnomer. This is not a bakery, though they have recently started a counter exclusively for pastries and Indian sweets. Delicious though these are, CBH's raison d'etre is its wide range of authentic Kerala dishes such as idiappam/puttu with kadala, Malabar paratha and motta curry with mutton/chicken/egg biryani…. Not only is the food good value for money, it also gives you a true picture of the diversity of Kerala cuisine.

Now that you're in ethnic mode, step into Kasavaukada -- the shop on Church Landing road.

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