PERSONALITY
TREND
FASHION
SPECIAL
CHAT JOCKEYS
ARCHIVES

V Gangadhar

Of birthdays and family meets

Sunday, July 20, was my birthday. The best part of the day was around 4 am, when my elder daughter called from the US to wish me all the best. She talked for a long time, mentioning she had bought a car, learnt to drive and flunked her driving test. But she was confident of doing well the next time.

Otherwise, it was an ordinary day. It was cloudy, with a hint of rain. As usual, I went down to the milk booth, brought milk and made tea for the family. My sister, who spent the weekend with us, presented me with a volume of Sexton Blake stories. It took me back to my childhood days when I had enjoyed these detective stories.

Everything appeared so ordinary. A couple of friends called up to greet me. Even lunch was routine, with no sweet dish or payasam in honour of the fact that I was diabetic. In the evening, my wife went out on some work of her own, the Asia Cup Indo-Pak cricket match at Colombo was rained off and I spent most my birthday reading Mario Puzo's The Last Don.

For grown-up people, a birthday is like any other day. In fact, there is the unmistakably sinking feeling that you are one year older. Yet, I had hoped that something bright, happy and cheerful would happen on my birthday. It didn't and it was then I thought to myself that, from now on, I would totally ignore my future birthdays.

What's my concept of an ideal birthday? Well, I am not the partying kind; I don't like the idea of throwing a party for friends who would turn up mainly for the food and drink. Gosh, but it would have been nice if all my sisters and brothers had turned up with their families. We could have hired a professional cook to churn out a mouth-watering menu which included onion sambar, limbu rasam and sarkarai pongal oozing with ghee. Some half-a-dozen gifts, mostly books, would have been welcome. The finale would come after lunch, when all family members sat together and had a thoroughly enjoyable gossip session featuring friends and relatives with whom we had not been in touch.

Organising family gatherings these days is difficult, if not impossible. My brothers, sisters and their families are spread out all over the country. Each member has his/her problems -- children's exams, difficulties in getting leave from office, problems with railway bookings and the enormous cost of long distance travelling. These days, when families do not get together even for weddings, planning a family meet for a birthday is plain wishful thinking.

Compared to this, children's birthdays are easier to organise and make everyone happy. A new dress, a cake baked, potato chips, samosas, sandwiches and soft drinks ordered, and some 20 friends invited. There is a lot of noise, particularly when games are organised. But the child is radiant when she wears her new dress and when the camera clicks as she cuts the cake. Of course, the cost of organising such parties is going up steadily but, then, if you have just one or two children, you should not deny them this pleasure.

As I near 60, I recall I've never enjoyed a birthday party for myself. When we were kids, we did not know about birthday parties. The routine at home was simple. I was woken up earlier than usual and ordered to take my bath. Occasionally, there were new clothes. Once the bath was over, I had to prostrate myself before my elders and seek their blessings. A vadhyar (priest) was usually summoned to do special puja called ayush homam (prayer for long life). This was followed by a feast where the main features were payasam and vadai.

Once the lunch was over, I had to attend school as usual and follow the regular routine. There were no cakes to cut, no candles to blow, no unpacking of gifts and no singing of Happy birthday to you. We did not these activities, because we did not even know they existed.

By the time, I grew up, got married and had children of my own, lifestyles had changed. Our daughters enjoyed the birthdays which we had missed. My wife learnt to bake marvellous cakes, sometimes shaped like a typewriter or a ship, which everyone admired. When we acquired a VCR, the children kept quiet as they watched Disney movies like The Absent-Minded Professor or Donald Duck cartoons. After the guests departed came the routine of unwrapping the gift packets. No one went to sleep before midnight. My wallet was empty, but we all felt it was worth it.

Today, my 17-year-old daughter feels she is too grown up for cutting cake and the rest of the party routine. She is at that stage in life when friends appear to count more than old-fashioned parents. While new clothes and shoes were okay, she would rather accompany her friends for a movie than remain at home and host a traditional party. We leave the choice to her.

Old men, of course, have no choice. Anyway, thinking back, I feel that the phone call from my daughter, the hug and the kiss from her younger sister and the Sexton Blake book, are not bad. I guess I have to thank Heaven for small mercies. Still, I hope my next birthday will pass unnoticed.